October 31, 2006

Coming to terms with our loss

It has been more than a month since dad left us. Everyone in the family has begun to come to terms with our loss. Mum has moved down to Petaling Jaya to stay with sis as without dad, she would literally be immobile as she can't drive. But I know she misses Menglembu and our family house a lot. She kept saying that if she were not babysitting Yihao, my nephew, she would be more than happy to stay put in Menglembu. She could make do with cycling out to the market and the neighbourhood coffee shop for her daily necessities. But with Yihao, that wouldn't be possible. Anyhow, we probably would not allow that to happen as we would be worried sick about her being alone in Menglembu, even though several of our close relatives are nearby. We've decided not to sell off the family house as we just can't bear losing it, at least not for the time being. With the family house intact, we promised mum we'll make monthly trips back to Menglembu, just as we usually did.

Life is beginning to return to normal for me too even though I'm probably not back to my jovial self. I still think of dad a lot and all the what if's. I still shed a silent tear once in a while and I've caught mum doing the same. Mum still blames the cardiologist in Ipoh Specialist Hospital for not noticing dad's paleness which could have rang some alarm bells. I guess that's just the way she's trying to cope with the loss.

Dad was cremated and his ashes are now interned at Nilai Memorial Park. We've made several trips there for prayers and will continue to do so to keep his memory alive.


jazzmint said...

guess a lost in our life is never easy to deal with and takes time to recover from it. God bless you.

lwk said...

Yes eventhough one mth has passed and we are coming to terms with our loss but his memories still linger.

Like you I still think of him a lot and I miss him too. And whenever I think of him, I do cry as well. I guess all of us are dealing with the loss in our own ways. But we must be strong for Mom as I believe she feel the loss the most.

I guess the decision not to sell the house is also a way for us not to 'lose' him and to keep his memories alive